[ not friends, no, but it's complicated. very complicated, probably more so than he'd wish to admit. the story of Loki and the Avengers had its consequences, more than he knew at the time, and far more than he'd forgive himself for. ]
Kinda. [ it feels strange to admit. ] Not so much anymore. [ he was the reason they had formed the Avengers at all. ] But it's different in other places. There are other shadows, other Lokis, and not many who've embraced finding ways to be better.
[ she beckons, and he comes without complaint. the jacket ripples in leather, jingling with the sound of useless buckles as he lowers beside her. an arm spreads over a knee, and he looks across the cave as if those he speaks of may be there with them. ]
Tony Stark, who calls himself Iron Man; Steve Rogers, the fallen and noble Captain America; and Natasha Romanov, who calls herself Black Widow. With my brother, and a few choice others, they call themselves the Avengers. They protect the realm on their own accord, from whatever may threaten it.
[ Better the Avengers than the Golden Company. She knows of one of them, at least; she doesn't trouble to hide her recognition. ]
I have already met your Widow, [ she tells him. Natasha had not introduced herself as anything other than Natasha, but the connection is simple to make. Dany had suspected some of the nature of the Black Widow's work within the first minutes of their meeting, but she could not have hoped to place it all. ] She seemed more capable of spywork than all my court put together thrice over, I fear. The men are only names to me.
[ It is good that Natasha is not of her world, and not in the employ of her enemies. Dany has only two options for foes as dangerous as Natasha: sway them to her side, or have them slain. ]
Then you and your brother are at odds, in their world? Or were? [ She turns curious violet eyes onto him, her hands folding into her lap. ] You spoke with them, did you not?
Aye, we had a chat. [ not a good one, but a chat. ] The other Loki ...
[ a little part of his brain reminds him of how he unfairly treated Verity, covering his tracks until she had called him on it in a verbal battle that he can only half-imagine. that was the problem with trying to save yourself from the inevitable trap: part of him had gotten lost in the desperation, and everything had become about the game. ]
There are battles inked in myth that have lived on the hearts and tongues of the northmen for a millennia of the exploits of Thor and Loki. There are other pairs of us, that's to be certain, though how many are dueling and how many have made their amends ... ah, that I couldn't say.
[ he leans his head back on cool stone wall of the cave. ]
My conversations with Black Widow were more productive than the rest. There's tension between Stark and Rogers, thick enough to cut with a knife, and it seems they're certain that their predicament—[ he twirls his finger in the air to signify this. ]—is some scheme of mine.
Well, Stark more so, but all Rogers needs is a bow and arrow to aim for the target he's put on my back. Their Loki is dead, or so both Natasha and my own brother have told me, but I have my doubts. It seems they do too.
[ Brother has opposed brother since time immemorial in tales, and so Dany is not surprised. The Targaryens hold a similar history in Westeros, often enough that she cannot trouble to remember them all.
And so she listens in silence, absorbing everything with far greater ease than she might have done when she'd first arrived. ]
Your scheme is a poor one, if they speak truly, [ she teases. ] You did not build your own self a way out.
[ Nonetheless, clearly this Loki is so distasteful to the alleged defenders of the world that their dislike for him transcends even their dislike for each other. ]
If he should dare seek arrows, I shall burn them all. [ The arrows, not the people; he is speaking only in metaphor. It is a simple enough statement, but the meaning is plain: Loki is one of her people, now. ] What scales could they hope to balance here? Silence your singing, perhaps? Or else paint your fingernails some other color? [ She peers at him. ] But it is not what they will do that troubles you, is that the way of it? The truth of their Loki is too close to what you fear for yourself.
[ And they accuse him of their Loki's deeds, she presumes, when he has worked so hard to be different. ]
[ honestly, he had been so caught up in this and that and the little Avengers push and pull that hearing the obvious that comes out of Dany's mouth your scheme is a poor one, if they speak truly is almost comforting. his lips quirk up into an ironic smile, and a half snort-half laugh comes from his chest.
it would be truly awful, wouldn't it? he'd trust himself to build a far better scheme than this. (and he had; this time he was just coasting through opportunity, taking them when they presented themselves.) ]
Gods aren't like people: we are bundles of myth, reflected back upon the world that choses to believe it. With that comes ... expectation.
[ the history and blood ran deep, even for him, now. the relationship between Loki and the Avengers was a complicated one that hung heavy over his head like an anvil waiting to fall. ]
The universe prefers patterns, and it would rather have me in an old shape. It's like an echo, all the other Lokis in all these different places, the ones that have taken the path to ruin. If I let it consume me, then every sacrifice is in vain. I'll hurt people.
I don't want to do that.
[ bright eyes fall half-lidded beneath heavy lashes, glowing in the dim light of the cave as the world hums with wind and sand around them. ]
[ She had already kissed him upon the cheek in greeting, and he had not seemed to like that. This seems a more fitting time to do it, but instead, she searches for his hands and pulls them into her own, where they are held in her lap. ]
They are not harbingers, only reflections of another world. [ She wishes to smooth the worry from his brow. ] I know that you worry. [ She squeezes his hands. ] I do, I know. It shall always be difficult to dissent, to be the first to tread a path. I do not dispute your right to be afraid, or your reasons. I do not doubt they are justified.
[ She knows the weight of uncertainty, the icy kiss of fear. She went to bed afraid and woke up afraid for fourteen years. ]
But it will not serve to dwell on what may come to pass, only what passes now. [ She leans forward, watching bright green hues. ] You say you do not wish to hurt people. I say do not. The Loki before me now has not faltered, and he should not care for the suspicious prattle of men who would make him into their jousting target. You are a god of defiance, are you not? Defy them. Show them that they do not speak for you. [ Her hands are warm, her voice warmer. Curiously, she does not seem to hear the howling of the winds. ]
There shall always be a time for change, however hard-won. There must be; elsewise, the universe would not have made you.
[ Remember that, she seems to say. Remember your strength. ]
[ there are no moves to stop her. she takes his hands, and he allows it. smaller fingers weave through his, resting between the crevices just above his palm. there's a squeeze of her hand that comes with a realization: it's not just him that he has to worry for anymore. everyone around him will be dragged into ruin if he steps into King Loki's intricate traps. there is certainty in his future, and that's what he wishes to snuff out.
again he wonders if this one. and again, he finds that he's to terrified to find the answer. more terrified than he cares to admit. ]
We fought so long and hard for a future free from destiny. [ sick of failure. sick of being the bad son. sick of being the villain for everyone to fight. ] I won't allow someone to take that from me, the Avengers and my other selves be damned.
[ I am the crime ]
I'm sick of losing. Ah, besides ... god of defiance has a good ring to it. If I'm a story, I just have to be the best story that I can be.
[ He reaffirms his purpose to himself, and she smiles faintly. She knows the practice well: she has long had to do the same, when failure or death stared her full in the face.
But her own affirmations had grown weaker and more meek, the more miserable she became, and in their wake had come something that should have frightened her. She does not tell him that, wishing for him to succeed. ]
You can. You will. [ He does not say so, Dany knows, but something in him professes to need people to shoulder him up when he falters. And yet, here he has largely uprighted himself. ] There was no need for me to remind you of your strength. Your own convictions know what it is you must do, and here they have found you again.
[ it could get dangerous, allowing Loki to run through the timeline untethered. while his nature was chaos, it was never literal. Loki was a catalyst, an uprooter of civilization, finding the cracks in the foundation of society before bringing everything to the ground. that hadn't changed. if he managed to do what he took as an opportunity, it could have consequences.
but he was always one for extremes. ]
What would you do, if someone offered you a free future?
[ there's a weird feeling that rears its ugly head: he feels like he almost may disappoint her. ]
[ She has cause to be wary of revealing a measure of herself to a god of chaos. Loki cares for her too much to try and ruin her, though Dany thinks he might betray her if he thought it was for her own benefit. Recalling that he has already told her much of his own self, she weighs the risk, and accepts it.
Outside, the sounds of the storm seem to fill the cave, ringing loud and hollow against her answer. ]
Once my dreams whispered of home, but now they show me only smoke and fire. I would do what gladdens my heart, [ she tells him, lifting his hands to kiss the knuckles. ] Fly, until some unseen god lays claim to my last breath. Fly, and burn. That is when I am whole, Loki.
[ Does that trouble him, frustrate him? The confession smolders between them. Some small part of her feels terrified, but still more of her is exhilarated. It is a release she had allowed herself only in small measures in Meereen (They are dragons, Quentyn, and so am I), but she is no longer the queen she was when she first took her city. Perhaps she never was ... but that is a sad thought. ]
[ countless times he had died and been reborn, sometimes in the fires of Surtur, other times by the ruin of his own making, yet every time he returned to the same place: the Void. every time he grasped and fought, spawning from it once again. through the passing of one existence to the next, he had become more and more submerged in the role that he had written for himself, echoed on the tongues of those that remembered it.
and so, he had burned. it was glorious and terrible at once, and while his memory was fractured, he remembered that.
unraveling, the knuckles that she kisses slide against the wall and across her shoulders with an easy manner that he had lacked upon their reunion. ]
That doesn't sound too bad.
[ he admits lowly. the embrace of other selves wraps around him, tugs insistently when ignored. ]
Turning to ash ...
Edited (omg im so tired bye) 2016-08-12 03:10 (UTC)
[ And what if it is my foes I wish to turn to ash, as well? He does not react to her admission with disfavor, even speaks of his own burning. ]
One day, I shall be burned and returned to a wider sky, if the gods are good. [ The Targaryens of old had all been burned, not buried. The touch across her shoulders leaves with it a trail of warmth, and her breath falters for the barest of heartbeats. She is unused to being touched like that, though she makes no move to push his hand away. ]
But it does not please me to hear you speak of ruining your own self. [ His hand now denied her, her own two fall back into her lap. One day, he shall be reborn again, but before then, she wants him to thrive and make his own way. ] There is no need to put an end to something so new.
[ perhaps a part of him craves ruin, not just to tear down the walls around him, but also for himself. there are times he wishes to be nothing, but he knows that even if he would pursue it, that he would return as something far worse. there was too much that he had sacrificed to let such a thing happen.
long fingers feather against her arm, leaving little imprints in the skin. the space between them closes subtly, and Loki lingers on it for a moment, his arm resting lazily over her slim shoulders. ]
There is the possibility that I'll be something twisted and wicked, filled with spite. I have memories, you know, scattered among so many things. Sometimes they're vivid, sometimes ... I can barely touch them. They're the same, or they're the same and different, as if I'm watching a former life through the outside.
At times, I remember feeling joy in destruction and pain.
[ for a moment he pauses, like he's trying to understand what he's said. ]
Perhaps it's a relief to entertain the thought that it could be burned away.
[ The queen frowns. How might she feel, if she could not remember which memories belonged to her, and which did not? That way lies madness, she's certain, but it is not despair he needs. It is strength, and she has so long been strong for her people, for those she has loved, that the answer comes easily. ]
You do not rejoice in inflicting harm upon anyone. [ She does not care what the others have done; it is only him she is here for. She turns her head enough to face him more directly. ] You are here now. Even if you are uncertain of all the rest, remember that.
[ It does not matter where here is. Now he is here with her, in a cave, sheltered from a storm. Perhaps tomorrow, here will be the desert. Perhaps in a fortnight, here shall be a more forgiving place than either of them know. There is power in awareness, in knowing where he is. ]
Tell me of the things that make you happy, [ she invites. There is comfort in his casual closeness, now flush against her side. He had spurned her affection because he had not known what to make of it, she realizes that now. ] The things that make you laugh.
[ the pointed tone is almost like an accusation, but it's enough to snap him from his self-induced grief and back into the world of dry heat and Daenerys. his shoulders press against the stone, and then relax. you do not rejoice in inflicting harm upon anyone. no, he didn't. he never did; even when he had indulged himself in the dance with the demiurge, it had always been about the steps, never the pain.
then the subject is changed, and she asks about things that make him happy. while he's not entirely sold, not yet, he does indulge her with entertaining it.
and it causes him to wonder.
what does make him happy? ]
...
A well-delivered prank.
[ hips lips quirk up at the corners. ]
Cheeky with a lesson of levity.
[ then, he looks over at her with a green eye beneath heavy lashes. ]
Goats? [ Dany puzzles at that, wondering where his words propose to take her. ] They are sly and foul-tempered creatures, bred for their milk and their hide.
[ And her children had not balked at seizing them from the herds that roamed the hinterlands, she does not doubt. Curious, she turns her head enough to watch the bright green of his eyes. ]
My brother was young once—very young. We had a sort of ... mm, defiant and petulant streak, you could say. One day, where the green hills met the pale blue sky, the light elves were displaying their prowess in the art of horsemanship. My brother, a bit of a bully and more jealous than naught, was observing them with a former self of mine. He thought that he would be better than the greatest elvish equestrian, so ... my young, peevish, former self said to him, "It takes a great man to break a stallion, but an even greater man to break those more headstrong and stubborn—why not those pair of mountain goats?"
Goats, of course, are sour in temperament and even more prideful. The two of them, also brothers, would not bow their head as long as the other remained standing.
[ a little, wistful smile settles on his lips. ]
Needless to say, it was a long, painful summer for Thor.
[ the memory is a good one, while it's littered with Loki's own pettiness, it's also replaced of warm memories of an uncooperative Thor. ]
He did it, eventually, he broke the goats as one would break a horse. Big goats, too—two, three times the size of Midgardian goes? Three, most likely, the two of them pull Thor's chariot and breathe fire on occasion. They're as hard-headed as he is.
[ The cave's shadows seem to recede from her face as the tale progresses, and when he tells her the summer was long and painful, a smile slips through the mask, knowing.
She giggles, the sound echoing like a short-lived cascade in the cave's depths. ]
Dragon-goats, why not? [ She pushes lightly at his shoulder with a playful hand, chiding, ] You baited him!
[ But there was no malice in the jape, and it is clear that Thor could have stopped whenever he wished. Perhaps he had liked being baited. ]
You are gods of different things, true ... but you are not so different, you and your brother.
[ they worked together in an odd sort of way, like two pieces turning trying to find the right way to fit together, only have done so recently. Thor had never fully understood him, but Loki had never wanted that, he had just craved Thor's trust. now, in a new body and a new role, it was easier to seek out the spaces in a life left behind. ]
He's a storm god. Storm means chaos. So, no, I suppose not, we're as alike as we are different. He has his moments where he meets me in capriciousness.
[ because he knows he's like this, oh, he definitely knows. ]
Though I've recently come to admire the earthly realms, he's done so for quite some time.
[ She has already permitted him to put his arm about her shoulders, and so Dany does something she has not tried since she was a little girl in need of a pillow, tipping her head lightly onto his shoulder. The movement is not fitting, but she tires of being regal. Why must she be a queen alone in his presence, when she has already allowed him to see her unfettered?
His armor does not serve as a very comfortable resting place, and so she doesn't lean; only savors the closeness. ]
His memories must be your solace, when no one else is near to remind you.
[ The love of a brother is a gift she will never have, an embrace she has never truly felt (Viserys had fed her, true, but he had never so much as held her when she was afraid). Still, she feels she would carry her ghosts with her, if ever she felt truly lost. ]
What do you admire now, that you shunned before? [ She's truly curious what he favors so much, that cannot be found in Asgard. ] Tell me that.
Edited (I REALLY, REALLY DIDN'T LIKE IT) 2016-08-15 07:10 (UTC)
[ Thor was solace, as much as he didn't realize it.
perhaps it had always been that way, through quarrel and promise, they had always kept themselves afloat somehow. there had been long years where they hadn't spoken, and somehow always managed to find each other again. Ahad had said that love and hate were close, and you could never hate someone so fiercely that you hadn't loved once.
Loki's bitterness had once leaked out into much of what he was. now, there were things details he learned to appreciate. ]
Song, varieties of breakfast meats, hot showers and artificially scented soap, up-to-date technology, selfies, smutty romance novels ... trivialities, you could say, as fleeting as the lives of those mortals upon Midgard. It was far away from what I knew, the Realm Eternal and divine design.
[ Does it, though? Dany puzzles at that for a moment. She is someone of grand dreams and sweeping, world-changing schemes. Trivialities are sweet, but they cannot give her what she wants.
Would I find joy in little things? She cannot remember the last time she stopped to admire beauty, or the spicy scent of oil. She cannot remember the last time she felt at peace enough to pause at all. ]
Yes ... you may be right.
[ The words are delivered slowly, ponderously, as though the idea cannot quite find its place in her mind. Still, she is not disbelieving.
Silence falls in the cave, difficult to notice amidst the howling that continues without. She looks up at him, squeezing the shoulder she's rested against with her hand. ]
You have a place of your own in these realms now. [ Perhaps more than he knows. Her tone is warm, her face almost gentle in their makeshift peace. ] Do not forget that.
[ it's not as if Loki isn't a force of nature in himself, the schemes that he has woven and delivered had called the end of Asgard countless times. his wars were waged against his father, his brother, Asgard itself, and now he had crawled up to claim the war in the face of what would-be destiny.
trivialities kept him sane, otherwise he waded further into a sea of selfish whims, threatening to drown himself. ]
I ... [ he trails off, not doubting her sincerity, but unsure if he really belongs anywhere. ] ... do hope so. I have a story to write.
[ Yes, Dany thinks, and mine is told in blood and fire. ]
You can, [ she tells him. ] You will. And so will I, we may pray.
[ His shoulder is hardened by armor and covered in a coat, but she presses a light kiss between her fingers there all the same. She wants to ask him to linger here with her, wishing to have more time before they join the cave he'd found before, but she knows it wouldn't be wise to strand herself away from the rest. Soon, she must carry a squidge of her own.
The fingers on his shoulder tighten, then let him go. ]
It's time you returned to your squidge. [ The reminder comes gently enough, but pointedly. ]
[ there are breathes of air taken between missions and in the time that's free to them. there's space, but there's action, as if there's always something else to do. Loki takes to it well, but he takes to new starts well, and he adapts well, so it's no surprise when something ends and another begins that he finds comfort in the space between.
her gentle coaxing gets a mock exasperated sigh, but he rises regardless, offering her a hand up. ]
I'm sure it'll be wailing in Ahad's ear soon enough. He'll have his annoyed face on, I'm certain. You'll be a pleasant surprise.
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Kinda. [ it feels strange to admit. ] Not so much anymore. [ he was the reason they had formed the Avengers at all. ] But it's different in other places. There are other shadows, other Lokis, and not many who've embraced finding ways to be better.
[ she beckons, and he comes without complaint. the jacket ripples in leather, jingling with the sound of useless buckles as he lowers beside her. an arm spreads over a knee, and he looks across the cave as if those he speaks of may be there with them. ]
Tony Stark, who calls himself Iron Man; Steve Rogers, the fallen and noble Captain America; and Natasha Romanov, who calls herself Black Widow. With my brother, and a few choice others, they call themselves the Avengers. They protect the realm on their own accord, from whatever may threaten it.
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I have already met your Widow, [ she tells him. Natasha had not introduced herself as anything other than Natasha, but the connection is simple to make. Dany had suspected some of the nature of the Black Widow's work within the first minutes of their meeting, but she could not have hoped to place it all. ] She seemed more capable of spywork than all my court put together thrice over, I fear. The men are only names to me.
[ It is good that Natasha is not of her world, and not in the employ of her enemies. Dany has only two options for foes as dangerous as Natasha: sway them to her side, or have them slain. ]
Then you and your brother are at odds, in their world? Or were? [ She turns curious violet eyes onto him, her hands folding into her lap. ] You spoke with them, did you not?
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[ a little part of his brain reminds him of how he unfairly treated Verity, covering his tracks until she had called him on it in a verbal battle that he can only half-imagine. that was the problem with trying to save yourself from the inevitable trap: part of him had gotten lost in the desperation, and everything had become about the game. ]
There are battles inked in myth that have lived on the hearts and tongues of the northmen for a millennia of the exploits of Thor and Loki. There are other pairs of us, that's to be certain, though how many are dueling and how many have made their amends ... ah, that I couldn't say.
[ he leans his head back on cool stone wall of the cave. ]
My conversations with Black Widow were more productive than the rest. There's tension between Stark and Rogers, thick enough to cut with a knife, and it seems they're certain that their predicament—[ he twirls his finger in the air to signify this. ]—is some scheme of mine.
Well, Stark more so, but all Rogers needs is a bow and arrow to aim for the target he's put on my back. Their Loki is dead, or so both Natasha and my own brother have told me, but I have my doubts. It seems they do too.
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And so she listens in silence, absorbing everything with far greater ease than she might have done when she'd first arrived. ]
Your scheme is a poor one, if they speak truly, [ she teases. ] You did not build your own self a way out.
[ Nonetheless, clearly this Loki is so distasteful to the alleged defenders of the world that their dislike for him transcends even their dislike for each other. ]
If he should dare seek arrows, I shall burn them all. [ The arrows, not the people; he is speaking only in metaphor. It is a simple enough statement, but the meaning is plain: Loki is one of her people, now. ] What scales could they hope to balance here? Silence your singing, perhaps? Or else paint your fingernails some other color? [ She peers at him. ] But it is not what they will do that troubles you, is that the way of it? The truth of their Loki is too close to what you fear for yourself.
[ And they accuse him of their Loki's deeds, she presumes, when he has worked so hard to be different. ]
no subject
it would be truly awful, wouldn't it? he'd trust himself to build a far better scheme than this. (and he had; this time he was just coasting through opportunity, taking them when they presented themselves.) ]
Gods aren't like people: we are bundles of myth, reflected back upon the world that choses to believe it. With that comes ... expectation.
[ the history and blood ran deep, even for him, now. the relationship between Loki and the Avengers was a complicated one that hung heavy over his head like an anvil waiting to fall. ]
The universe prefers patterns, and it would rather have me in an old shape. It's like an echo, all the other Lokis in all these different places, the ones that have taken the path to ruin. If I let it consume me, then every sacrifice is in vain. I'll hurt people.
I don't want to do that.
[ bright eyes fall half-lidded beneath heavy lashes, glowing in the dim light of the cave as the world hums with wind and sand around them. ]
no subject
They are not harbingers, only reflections of another world. [ She wishes to smooth the worry from his brow. ] I know that you worry. [ She squeezes his hands. ] I do, I know. It shall always be difficult to dissent, to be the first to tread a path. I do not dispute your right to be afraid, or your reasons. I do not doubt they are justified.
[ She knows the weight of uncertainty, the icy kiss of fear. She went to bed afraid and woke up afraid for fourteen years. ]
But it will not serve to dwell on what may come to pass, only what passes now. [ She leans forward, watching bright green hues. ] You say you do not wish to hurt people. I say do not. The Loki before me now has not faltered, and he should not care for the suspicious prattle of men who would make him into their jousting target. You are a god of defiance, are you not? Defy them. Show them that they do not speak for you. [ Her hands are warm, her voice warmer. Curiously, she does not seem to hear the howling of the winds. ]
There shall always be a time for change, however hard-won. There must be; elsewise, the universe would not have made you.
[ Remember that, she seems to say. Remember your strength. ]
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again he wonders if this one. and again, he finds that he's to terrified to find the answer. more terrified than he cares to admit. ]
We fought so long and hard for a future free from destiny. [ sick of failure. sick of being the bad son. sick of being the villain for everyone to fight. ] I won't allow someone to take that from me, the Avengers and my other selves be damned.
[ I am the crime ]
I'm sick of losing. Ah, besides ... god of defiance has a good ring to it. If I'm a story, I just have to be the best story that I can be.
no subject
But her own affirmations had grown weaker and more meek, the more miserable she became, and in their wake had come something that should have frightened her. She does not tell him that, wishing for him to succeed. ]
You can. You will. [ He does not say so, Dany knows, but something in him professes to need people to shoulder him up when he falters. And yet, here he has largely uprighted himself. ] There was no need for me to remind you of your strength. Your own convictions know what it is you must do, and here they have found you again.
[ He is stronger than he knows. ]
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but he was always one for extremes. ]
What would you do, if someone offered you a free future?
[ there's a weird feeling that rears its ugly head: he feels like he almost may disappoint her. ]
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Outside, the sounds of the storm seem to fill the cave, ringing loud and hollow against her answer. ]
Once my dreams whispered of home, but now they show me only smoke and fire. I would do what gladdens my heart, [ she tells him, lifting his hands to kiss the knuckles. ] Fly, until some unseen god lays claim to my last breath. Fly, and burn. That is when I am whole, Loki.
[ Does that trouble him, frustrate him? The confession smolders between them. Some small part of her feels terrified, but still more of her is exhilarated. It is a release she had allowed herself only in small measures in Meereen (They are dragons, Quentyn, and so am I), but she is no longer the queen she was when she first took her city. Perhaps she never was ... but that is a sad thought. ]
no subject
and so, he had burned. it was glorious and terrible at once, and while his memory was fractured, he remembered that.
unraveling, the knuckles that she kisses slide against the wall and across her shoulders with an easy manner that he had lacked upon their reunion. ]
That doesn't sound too bad.
[ he admits lowly. the embrace of other selves wraps around him, tugs insistently when ignored. ]
Turning to ash ...
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One day, I shall be burned and returned to a wider sky, if the gods are good. [ The Targaryens of old had all been burned, not buried. The touch across her shoulders leaves with it a trail of warmth, and her breath falters for the barest of heartbeats. She is unused to being touched like that, though she makes no move to push his hand away. ]
But it does not please me to hear you speak of ruining your own self. [ His hand now denied her, her own two fall back into her lap. One day, he shall be reborn again, but before then, she wants him to thrive and make his own way. ] There is no need to put an end to something so new.
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long fingers feather against her arm, leaving little imprints in the skin. the space between them closes subtly, and Loki lingers on it for a moment, his arm resting lazily over her slim shoulders. ]
There is the possibility that I'll be something twisted and wicked, filled with spite. I have memories, you know, scattered among so many things. Sometimes they're vivid, sometimes ... I can barely touch them. They're the same, or they're the same and different, as if I'm watching a former life through the outside.
At times, I remember feeling joy in destruction and pain.
[ for a moment he pauses, like he's trying to understand what he's said. ]
Perhaps it's a relief to entertain the thought that it could be burned away.
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You do not rejoice in inflicting harm upon anyone. [ She does not care what the others have done; it is only him she is here for. She turns her head enough to face him more directly. ] You are here now. Even if you are uncertain of all the rest, remember that.
[ It does not matter where here is. Now he is here with her, in a cave, sheltered from a storm. Perhaps tomorrow, here will be the desert. Perhaps in a fortnight, here shall be a more forgiving place than either of them know. There is power in awareness, in knowing where he is. ]
Tell me of the things that make you happy, [ she invites. There is comfort in his casual closeness, now flush against her side. He had spurned her affection because he had not known what to make of it, she realizes that now. ] The things that make you laugh.
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then the subject is changed, and she asks about things that make him happy. while he's not entirely sold, not yet, he does indulge her with entertaining it.
and it causes him to wonder.
what does make him happy? ]
...
A well-delivered prank.
[ hips lips quirk up at the corners. ]
Cheeky with a lesson of levity.
[ then, he looks over at her with a green eye beneath heavy lashes. ]
What do you know of goats?
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[ And her children had not balked at seizing them from the herds that roamed the hinterlands, she does not doubt. Curious, she turns her head enough to watch the bright green of his eyes. ]
Why?
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Goats, of course, are sour in temperament and even more prideful. The two of them, also brothers, would not bow their head as long as the other remained standing.
[ a little, wistful smile settles on his lips. ]
Needless to say, it was a long, painful summer for Thor.
[ the memory is a good one, while it's littered with Loki's own pettiness, it's also replaced of warm memories of an uncooperative Thor. ]
He did it, eventually, he broke the goats as one would break a horse. Big goats, too—two, three times the size of Midgardian goes? Three, most likely, the two of them pull Thor's chariot and breathe fire on occasion. They're as hard-headed as he is.
[ maybe it's just Thor that makes him happy. ]
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She giggles, the sound echoing like a short-lived cascade in the cave's depths. ]
Dragon-goats, why not? [ She pushes lightly at his shoulder with a playful hand, chiding, ] You baited him!
[ But there was no malice in the jape, and it is clear that Thor could have stopped whenever he wished. Perhaps he had liked being baited. ]
You are gods of different things, true ... but you are not so different, you and your brother.
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He's a storm god. Storm means chaos. So, no, I suppose not, we're as alike as we are different. He has his moments where he meets me in capriciousness.
[ because he knows he's like this, oh, he definitely knows. ]
Though I've recently come to admire the earthly realms, he's done so for quite some time.
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His armor does not serve as a very comfortable resting place, and so she doesn't lean; only savors the closeness. ]
His memories must be your solace, when no one else is near to remind you.
[ The love of a brother is a gift she will never have, an embrace she has never truly felt (Viserys had fed her, true, but he had never so much as held her when she was afraid). Still, she feels she would carry her ghosts with her, if ever she felt truly lost. ]
What do you admire now, that you shunned before? [ She's truly curious what he favors so much, that cannot be found in Asgard. ] Tell me that.
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perhaps it had always been that way, through quarrel and promise, they had always kept themselves afloat somehow. there had been long years where they hadn't spoken, and somehow always managed to find each other again. Ahad had said that love and hate were close, and you could never hate someone so fiercely that you hadn't loved once.
Loki's bitterness had once leaked out into much of what he was. now, there were things details he learned to appreciate. ]
Song, varieties of breakfast meats, hot showers and artificially scented soap, up-to-date technology, selfies, smutty romance novels ... trivialities, you could say, as fleeting as the lives of those mortals upon Midgard. It was far away from what I knew, the Realm Eternal and divine design.
[ a pause. ]
But that's it—that's what makes anything count.
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Would I find joy in little things? She cannot remember the last time she stopped to admire beauty, or the spicy scent of oil. She cannot remember the last time she felt at peace enough to pause at all. ]
Yes ... you may be right.
[ The words are delivered slowly, ponderously, as though the idea cannot quite find its place in her mind. Still, she is not disbelieving.
Silence falls in the cave, difficult to notice amidst the howling that continues without. She looks up at him, squeezing the shoulder she's rested against with her hand. ]
You have a place of your own in these realms now. [ Perhaps more than he knows. Her tone is warm, her face almost gentle in their makeshift peace. ] Do not forget that.
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trivialities kept him sane, otherwise he waded further into a sea of selfish whims, threatening to drown himself. ]
I ... [ he trails off, not doubting her sincerity, but unsure if he really belongs anywhere. ] ... do hope so. I have a story to write.
...
We all do. We should make it a good one.
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You can, [ she tells him. ] You will. And so will I, we may pray.
[ His shoulder is hardened by armor and covered in a coat, but she presses a light kiss between her fingers there all the same. She wants to ask him to linger here with her, wishing to have more time before they join the cave he'd found before, but she knows it wouldn't be wise to strand herself away from the rest. Soon, she must carry a squidge of her own.
The fingers on his shoulder tighten, then let him go. ]
It's time you returned to your squidge. [ The reminder comes gently enough, but pointedly. ]
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her gentle coaxing gets a mock exasperated sigh, but he rises regardless, offering her a hand up. ]
I'm sure it'll be wailing in Ahad's ear soon enough. He'll have his annoyed face on, I'm certain. You'll be a pleasant surprise.
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